So since our short but epic trip around the world we got back to London and tried to settle back into normal life again. It wasn’t easy by any means as anyone who has travelled a little will tell you, once you have taken a bite of forbidden fruit you just want more. A touch dramatic but essentially true, once you have seen life outside your own everyday existence you might realise you are stagnating a little and to achieve happiness you will need to move on. 

Life in London is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, it is an amazing melting pot of people living together in relative harmony. But it’s still a big city and there is only so much the kids can do by themselves, so because of this we decided to give France a go. And so here we are in the south west of France, close to Geneva but not close enough that I lose the will to live every time I step out of the door… and it’s lovely.

So in the spirit of the seasoned traveller that I am, here are a few observations:

The French like to moan and complain, a lot. “Your motorbike is too noisy” was a great one the other day from the man who went well out of his way to come over and tell me this

When you meet someone you have never met before you kiss them four times, when you know them you only kiss them two times. Also when you get up in the morning you will spend ages going around everyone kissing them good morning.

Don’t EVER disturb two women chatting behind the counter, even if you have been waiting ages to be served. And when they do deign to serve you be polite and smiley and do not appear upset that you have been waiting ten minutes whilst being deliberately ignored.

If your children behave like children do not take them outdoors, especially to a cafe where they might touch the pointless cushion display, you will be publicly berated by the older manageress (who must be a spinster as sex would have definitely cured her permanent scowl).

Having lived in England where the weather forecast is a standing joke in its inability to predict the next fives minutes weather let alone provide a long range forecast which would be laughable were it not so wildly wrong, I was pleasantly surprised to discover there are places where they can actually predict the weather. 

So that’s what croissants and pain au chocolate are supposed to taste like! Don’t get me started on baguettes. Sainsbury and Morrisons please take note, a big long spongy thing that weighs two kilos is not a baguette.